Adelaide Fringe Ahoy

So, I'm back at The Adelaide fringe after 5 years and it's baking hot. I love this place. First 2 days were about getting reminders of the place. 1st port of call was San Georgios on Rundle Street to get one of their awesome BBQ Chicken Pizzas followed later in the day by a dozen Oysters Kilpatrick. at The Oyster Bar  I love my Oysters.

Went to check out Rhino Room when I had my first gig at The Rhino Room Late Show.

Rhino Late Show 1 min video.

Kiruna and I got a little piece in the Adelaide Advertiser with a lovely pic and an even better one online. We're recording an interview today with Big Al for Fresh F.M.

Tonights our first night for each of our shows. Kiruna Stamell's, Why Dwarves Hate Christmas and my show Gareth Berliner : An INCH of Integrity We've got a few punters in but not Sold Out yet, so go to the Fringe website if you want to get tickets. The Advertiser are in tonight to review us so we could do with any support.

We've both been rehearsing in the baking heat and today we're even doing a preview for 12 of our hosts family at Midday. Never rehearsed like that before, may have to feed them a few glasses of wine to get them relaxed like an evening crowd.

Last night I was hanging out with Kiruna and my hosts Godchild, Daniel. He's 25 so more like Godyoungadult actually. The two of them were telling me about funnel web spiders and how dangerous they were, then they told me about more spiders , snakes and other things possibly wandering around my feet in the garden. How reassuring! I ended up sat with my knees to my chest and wishing Steve Irwin was still knocking around to save the day.

Christmas is Here.

So I figured the time had come to write a fresh blog....about time you must have all been thinking....I mean you...my one reader , you were thinking it was about time....you weren’t?  Oh...well you’re here now, so , I’ll begin...

Since I last wrote the journey toward marriage has continued without thus far any particular hitches however family politics is beginning to rear it’s head...mainly for myself...you know how it is...some members of the family aren’t talking to one and other and I’m left to be the peacemaker and invite all family and possibly in doing so create an uncomfortable atmosphere on the big day or I don’t invite them and thus draw my proverbial line in the sand regarding who’s side I am on... So much bollocks involved in family sometimes. 

So I’ve just decided to hire some actors to play Kiruna and myself and have a separate wedding that they take part in that I can invite the members of my family to who are currently not talking to my parents or my brother. It’s been so long since they’ve seen me I figure it doesn’t matter if it’s really me or an actor....and of course...they haven’t even met Kiruna yet. 

We’ve begun working on our new show . Our first show together...A Little Commitment. We’re working with Graeae Theatre Company in terms of developing the show and learning how we will be able to make it accessible to the disabled community as well as the community as a whole. Not something I’ve ever thought about doing before for any of my solo shows but having earlier this year discovered how inaccessible the Edinburgh fringe is for the disabled I feel like this is something all fringe performers should think about. We can make it more accessible ourselves if we just make some effort. 

Kiruna appeared in her first episode of Lifes Too Short last week with the next one due later tonight. I’ll be watching it when I get back from my gig in Maidenhead. She was great last week and there has been lots of positive feedback. I’m incredibly proud of her. She’s a bloody legend and I guess that’s  why I asked her to marry me.

She’s wrote an excellent blog which you’ll find here : http://kirunastamell.net/2011/12/07/my-lifes-too-short-debut-tomorrow/

After her debut on the show her Blog readers stats shot up ridiculously. Her blog explained her reasons for doing the show and her opinion on it. It created a bit back and forth on her comments as well.

One thing I do like is the programme asks us all really to look at ourselves and how we treat other of difference. It also I think it makes it quite clear that society itself is the disabling thing, how things are mostly built for the average person and very rarely for  someone with a disability. Let’s face facts...the underground system is still not completely accessible to people in wheelchairs...how is that even possible in the world in which we currently live? How disabling is that?

Anyhow...on to other things... I went to an acting workshop today for the first time run by the Without A Paddle Theatre Company. It was good fun to push outside my comfort zone and I definitely found it helpful. I expected to spend my day touching my toes, miming trees and doing vocal exercises but we got that out of the way in the first half hour.... I worked on a duologue in the morning with another actress ( By the way a Dualogue is not the name for a Jewish Firewood delivery company ) and in the afternoon I had a crack at a monologue. I chose King Henry’s St Crispins Day speech from Henry V by Billy Shakespeare.  I kind of know it pretty well and it was great fun to just let go and make such an impassioned speech. Oh...we killed some French people too...just to get into character. ; )

I have a few new recommendations for things to watch. 

Movies....Driver and 50/50, The Debt.

TV....Dexter series 6, Louis, The Walking Dead Season 2, Game of Thrones Season 1, Boardwalk Empire Season 2, Community, The Slap, 

Good Reads...Locke and Key (Graphic Novel)

Christmas gigs have been exactly that...Christmas gigs...rooms where only a third are out for the comedy and two thirds are often out just to get pissed with a group of friends or work colleagues. To be fair...haven’t had one that was a nightmare yet but we’ve certainly had a few where all the acts have had to work incredibly hard to keep the gig together and focused while still having it all be funny. 

I'm looking forward to the break over Christmas, to seeing the family - the ones who are currently talking anyway, to spending some time albeit briefly with Kiruna. She's on the road again and doing an excellent Christmas Show at The Birmingham Mac. It's called the Lost Happy Endings. 

Here's a link for you to check it out. http://www.macarts.co.uk/event/thelosthappyendings

Anyhow...who knows when I will next blog? Certainly I don't but I will be back. In the meantime my one soul reader I wish you and yours a very Happy Xmas, Christmas, Chanukah, Holidays etc... and a Happy and healthy New Year.

Here's an extra special gift if you've never seen it...

Watch It's A Wonderful Life 

http://www.tubeplus.me/player/262494/It%26rsquo%3Bs_a_Wonderful_Life/

Nobody can eat 50 eggs.

So.....Kiruna's in Stockholm dancing for the next few weeks on some contemporary dance thing. You know...where they make dancers dance strangely off rhythm and then tell you how deep the piece is and if you don't get it you're uncouth, a philistine and just not clever enough....I guess that does make me a stupid, uncouth philistine but you should see me dance. ; )

Anyhow, since I last blogged I've gone and got myself engaged! Well, not exactly gone and got myself engaged....I asked....badly and fortunately she still excepted. We were in Berlin together where I was doing a really nice gig and after I'd come off stage and was sat at the bag with her, I crumbled.

I'd already wanted to ask her on a couple of occasions but was never sure when was the right time and how I was going to ask. All I could hear was a German act on stage sprechen zee German and when I looked at her I was overwhelmed with the feeling to propose. For some reason I though she could see it in my eyes and then I panicked and got nervous and then asked nervously and in a panic. I didn't even get straight to the point and just ask. I went round the houses , the long way round. Luckily when I finally got to the point she said yes! She's awesome and I'm a very lucky man. When you know - you know - you know?

So , Nice gig in Berlin,  job well done, minus for style of proposal but plus for Fiancee on board equals a RESULT! ; ) We're getting married September next year after we've got through most of 2012 which includes, Adelaide Festival, DaDa Festival and the Edinburgh Fringe plus finding a new place to live.

It's going to be a big year and I think we're gonna need a bigger boat!


We found an awesome hotel in Berlin and spent a night there and we intend to go back for a weekend on our own just before the wedding so we can actually have some time together because I'm guessing we won't have as much time for just us on our wedding weekend. The hotel which you should check out is www.michelbergerhotel.com

It was an amazing hotel design wise. Very cool and possibly my favorite thing about it was the fact that they had The Big Lebowski playing with the sound off 24/7  on T.V's at the end of every corridor. V. Cool.

I've got my first date supporting Hal Cruttenden on his tour tomorrow and then on Monday night , the 3rd of October it's the fourth Laughter is the Best Medicine at the Comedy Store. It will be a great event as ever raising laughs and money for St Marks Hospital Foundation. Nice line-up this year with 9 acts plus me as MC. Acts this year are, Tom Wrigglesworth, Nik Doody, Jessica Fostekew, Mike Gunn, Andre King, Alistair Barrie, Paul Pirie, Nik Doody and Carey Marx.

Tickets can be bought on the door on the night or via The Comedy Store - London Website

Hope to see you there. Bogging done and dusted....over and out. ; )



I'm getting married in the morning......ding dong...bada da da da daaaa

August Fun and Future Plans

Well , it’s been a while since I’ve updated for you my one blog reader ; ). How the fuck are ye? All good I hope. That rash cleared up yet? What do you mean “What rash?” relax, it’s just you and me here. You’re amongst Friend.

So the riots huh. They were fucking mental were they not? I live in Finsbury Park. Nothing happened here. Nothing at all. Although our neighbours in Tottenham and Camden did not fare so well. It’s like everyone who might have caused any bother in Finsbury decided not to shit on their own doorstep and pissed off to make trouble elsewhere.

Apparently an Argos was looted in Streatham and all I remember thinking is , seriously .... have some aspirations! I reckon they smashed the first window with a catalogue and had to wait 20 minutes to pick up their loot at the other window!

Kiruna was staying at mine and we sat up monitoring all forms of media for updates. We were following the news on Twitter, Reuters, BBC Website, Foreign Media and others. The flat felt like a hub of political and global communications. There was a moment I felt like I was in a scene from Mission Impossible but lack the physique of Tom Cruise....I’m a bit taller...a bit. However I do own a few masks although I don’t think we would ever see Ethan Hunt in a fetish club or at a Halloween party! What was great to see was how after a while a new trend on twitter appeared in opposition to #londonriots....#riotcleanup and people began to rally and mobilize to work together on cleaning up London the following day. It was great to see people making an effort to win London back from the madness.

EDINBURGH FESTIVAL:

It’s been a really busy month of gigs with so many acts out of town doing the Edinburgh Fringe. Do I miss not going to the fringe? No...I’ve earnt money and not lost money. However I did 4 years of Edinburgh festival. Two of them with solo shows and working on Phatcave with Mickey D AKA Michael Dwyer....the best late night gig in Edinburgh when it was there. Edinburgh was good to me when I was there. I got some great reviews and nice quotes but it’s a hard slog and lots of networking which is not something I love doing unless I’m just naturally hanging out with people and things come together.

However I really enjoyed previewing my new show Gareth Berliner: An INCH of Integrity at Brighton Fringe this year , will take it to Adelaide next year and if I’m really happy with it by then I’ll also take if to Edinburgh too.

DOCUMENTARY NEWS:

I had to work out my first tour budget as the producer of the tour for the documentary I am producing (A tour featuring very specific kinds of comedians). I’ve done this before for myself as a solo artist but it’s the first time I had to factor in other acts and crew etc...Also because we have no idea with certainty what venues we are performing at yet I had to roughly work out venue hire and travel and based that on visiting 4 major venues round the UK using London, Swansea, Manchester and Glasgow as my models.

This is all proving to be great experience and to have got something working like this so far off my own back with the support of Ed Stobart and Alleycats TV I am chuffed. Just hoping it all comes together. It looks like both the other acts are on board and keen and we would be shooting the tour/ docco in April of next year after I get back from the Adelaide Fringe festival. I’ll also be celebrating my 40^th Birthday! April 1^st 2012 . Jesus...that snuck up on me! I say snuck but it’s been a slow 39 years of waiting for that one. I know, I know... you can’t believe I’ll be 40...you were thinking I couldn’t possibly be older than 38 right?

ADELAIDE FRINGE FESTIVAL:

Kiruna is coming to Adelaide with me and will also be doing her first solo stand-up show Why Dwarves Hate Christmas. Hopefully she will be able to trade off of the Lifes to Short (Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant, BBC, HBO) exposure to drum up interest and business and we’ll be sharing a double sided flyer so it should hopefully work well for both of us. I will be taking Gareth Berliner : An Inch of Integrity to the fest. This is the great new show I debuted at Brighton Fringe Festival. It includes the story of me being date raped by a German Lesbian! You really don’t wanna miss it. Book your flight now for a cheaper deal.

Adelaide Fringe is my Favourite festival by far. The year I went was the last year of the festival being Bi Annual and the level of support, friends I made and fun I had was awesome. All the other UK acts out there had been taken out there by producers and promoters and were all headliners and I was the only UK act out there off my own back. It also marked my first ever paid headline gig doing 30 mins. It’s also the first time I ate a Berliner. Don’t freak out at that statement. It’s a kind of doughnut with a cream filled centre. Not dissimilar to me then ; )

Next year will be interesting since more UK acts of all levels now attend the fest and I’ll be just another UK act vying for an audience.

BATMAN LIVE:

Batman Live at the O2 was mental. Kiruna shouted us the tickets and we joined a throng of fanboys, kids and grown-ups dressed as Baman and Robin to watch this live action extravaganza. It was awesome and the set was incredible. They made great use of an LCD screen as background which provided scenery and comic book cut aways. They also had the Batmobile turn up and fire some missiles. I tell you something it looked like Fathers for Justice had decided to put on one hell of a show. If they wanted to hijack any event ... this should be the one. It’s the easiest public event to walk into dressed as a superhero!

"I see dead people."

Here’s the Bullet Point List if you can’t be bothered to read in more detail.

• 1. I’ve been hospital for a line infection but still got out to do my gigs. I get out for real this afternoon.

• 2. I witnessed a crime and gave a statement.

• 3. My hand was inflated to several times it’s natural size.

• 4. I had a gig in a Bowling Alley

• 5. I saw a pigeon who had killed himself.

• 6. I was stopped and searched after being sniffed by Max.......the drug dog as opposed to a overly eager drug squad officer.

• 7. I hung out with a Prison Officer and his Prisoner.

• 8. I became a Paperboy (I had it harder than Pinocchio) for the lads on the ward.

• 9. I’m having a Canadian Comic I’ve never met couch surf at my place. It is not Vince Fluke.
  

Right now....I am looking at a corpse opposite me...I say corpse..the man is alive, I can count everyone of his ribs and occasionally I am sure I have seen the feint glow of his heart , just like ET’s, beating in his chest...He looks like he should be liberated from Auschwitz. His names Steve and he’s been here for 7 months....where’s here? I’m in St Marks Hospital.....technically. I’m an inpatient at St Marks for a line infection (I have Short Gut Syndrome so have a line in my chest to receive intravenous nutrition). I have to be here to get antibiotics and saline through a drip when I turn in at night. However I am afforded the luxury that my Dr, Top Bloke that he is (In case he’s reading this), allows me to go about my business with work , leave hospital for gigs and come back afterwards.

The good news is I’ll be out and free again tomorrow.

On Tuesday night before I came into St Marks my girlfriend, K, came down from Manchester to stay for a week and surprised me at The 99 Club in Leicester Square where I was MC’ing. Had a great night hanging after the gig and then she kept me company driving in the next day. She stayed at my place for the week and it made such a difference to have her popping in when I was stuck on the drip , to keep me company, go for coffee and sneak off for a smooch with. I totally appreciate her having been here. Nice one sweet.

So this week has been quite an adventure;

Inflated Ego?...No..Inflated Hand?...Yes

One night after a problem with the drip, my hand was pumped full of 1.5 litres of Saline (the drip had come out of the vein). My watch had managed to act as a tourniquet and therefore everything stayed in the hand. It looked like I was auditioning to replace Ron Pearlman as Hell Boy. I could have played The THING’s right hand.

It took 24 hours to go back to normal size. I should consider myself lucky...the hospital is based at Northwick Park Hospital who once turned a man into the elephant man after he took part in medical experiments. Better a hand than a trunk I figure. Glass half full and all that.

Dodgyness with Reg and Ron

Thursday I got a last minute gig so went back to my flat in Finsbury Park late afternoon to chill for a bit before heading out to the gig. Outside the station on my way in I witnessed a dodgy looking bloke (Let’s call him Reggie) forcing an old man (Let’s call him Ronnie), who had one leg and was in a wheelchair, to beg.

Ronnie was telling Reggie to fuck off and leave him alone. Ronnie wanted to be as far away as possible from Reggie. It all smacked of Dodgeville so I went to the British Transport Police intercom and then saw two lads (Let’s call them Bodie and Doyle AKA The Professionals) who had stopped Reggie and were now getting lairy with him whilst they were sticking up for Ronnie.

I told them to calm down and that the old bill were on their way. On hearing this news Doyle told me he’d have to bolt before the coppers got there....he was out of prison on licence and under curfew.

Still, dodgy or not at least Doyle had some sense of right and wrong and was sticking up for Ronnie, that and possibly seeing the opportunity to have a fight on the grounds of defending Ronnie.

The old bill turned up...me (I wonder if I am Cowley in this Bodie and Doyle scenario) and Bodie answered a few questions and gave our details. The suspect decided to suddenly say he Speak not good English. Here I feel he shot himself in the foot somewhat since both me and the other lad had more than heard this guys use of the English Language...particularly expletives.

He refused to give his name, wouldn’t admit his block of Hash was hash and apparently as i was later to find out ended up being arrested.

Bowling out of town and into another Town

Friday I got to properly escape the hospital and London. I took K with me for a gig at AMF Bowling Alley in Eastleigh , Southampton. I was MC’ing. I’d heard a few rumours about the gig including that all there was separating the acts and the bar area from the bowling and arcades was a black curtain.

That may have been the case previously but they had put blocks up like walls covering the open bar pillar to pillar as well as the curtain and during the whole gig I was never aware we were in a Bowling Alley Bar.

The staff and particularly Reece who booked me totally looked after me and K having told us we could get down early and make use of the facilities as their guests. We missed the movies but had some food and drink, played in the arcades and romantic old school style even got some passport booth photo’s done. Ahhhhhh. Pictures even made it into my wallet. Shit...I’m turning into a loved up sap. I’ll understand if you feel the need to vomit at the sheer romance of it all.

The gig was good but required work on my part as MC keeping house , at one point I had to get two thirds of the audience to tell the other third to , "SHUT THE FUCK UP!". When in doubt, bring the crowd together who do want to listen. The acts , Jim Smallman, Sanderson Jones and Joseph Wilson all did well and feedback was good on the night. Look forward to playing it again next year.

I had one cocky guy , heavily tattooed, who was sat in the front and all night ignored me when I was on stage and at one point threw a small bit of paper or something in my direction me when I was on stage. I didn't see what it was but then I delivered a few times at him and he ignored me. He was with his ex and Peacocking I guess. For the last section of the show I was able to make him turn around and said, "Don't worry mate, you don't have to feel threatened...I'm sure you have got a bigger cock than me." ... it actually did seem to put him in his place and he came and apologized after.

No One Likes a Smart Arse

We got back from Southampton late doors and after dropping K off in Finsbury I got back onto the ward at 3 a.m. I was greeted by a pissed off nurse. I did let the early staff know when I would be out till but messages and communication not being a great thing within the NHS , no one had told the night staff. After some semi heated banter back and forth and a reminder to sign myself off the ward in the book, I had smoothed things over.

Coo...He's Depressed

On Saturday as I was leaving the hospital to go to a gig I saw a dead pigeon. I knew he was dead cos he had hung himself. A beautiful feathered creature of vermin had decided hanging around the hospital was depressing and ironically was still hanging when I saw him...although he was now deceased. I presume he got caught in the plastic of the rafter designed to keep him out but who knows...maybe he had lost his Coo or been dismissed by some pigeon fanciers who didn’t fancy him so much anymore...well...he did look like he was getting on.

"I'm gonna have a cheeky sniff said Max"

The gig went well and heading back to the flat to meet K, before checking back in to Hotel De NHS, I saw the same bunch of coppers I’d seen on the night with Reggie and Ronnie. Only this time there was no Bodie and Doyle as well...there was just Max the sniffing Drug Dog . He went straight for my crotch, presumably smelling the herbs I had consumed on the hospital grounds after another patient had shared a smoke with me. I should just add I didn’t exhale smoke into my crotch but that’s the height Max’s nose just happens to be at. I was asked to step aside and be searched and of course it turned out we all recognised each other from the night of Reggie and Ronnies shenanigans. That’s when in a fairly relaxed stop and search I found out that Reggie had been arrested on the previous occasion. They found nothing because there was nothing to find, we had a few bits of banter and a couple of jokes and they let me go.

I got back to St M’s and royally knackered I spent most of Sunday sleeping after saying Au Revoir Mon Amee to K. I didn't really say that but I am trying to see if all this romance can induce vomit or at the very least encourage you...to be romantic....not too vomit...although different strokes for different folks and all.

Today I left St M’s to pick up 10 T Shirts I ordered from http://www.6dollarshirts.com and also to meet a Canadian comic who was getting into London from Paris via Eurostar. Took him back to see my gaff where he is couch surfing and luckily for him , since I have tonight left in here (St M’s) he actually got a bed for the first time in weeks. Bit of a result for him on this occasion that I’m under the weather!

Whilst here I also met a prison officer called Pete (He also moonlights as a bouncer) and the prisoner in his care , Terry (He’s probably been bounced before) . Terry’s on poor form and out on special licence so he can have urgent medical care before his parole hearing. He seems a good enough bloke though.

So this little period in St M’s has been full of crime, health and drama. I’m secretly hoping someone will helicopter onto the building during the night to break Terry out. I’ve often compared hospital to prison. If you’re here for a pile operation it’s just like you’re a basic petty thief but if like me you’re here for a line infection I like to think your more of a serial offender. Bank Robberies and the like.

Saul: Hey, look: it's like my thumb is my cock. Dale Denton: That's not gonna get us a ride, man.

OK , now this blog pulls no punches today....it shoots from the hip , which is a weird place to have a gun, it takes no prisoners cos it’s a Blog , simply a blog and not a copper , a soldier or a pirate.

Cool.

Arthur Fonzerelli AKA The Fonz. AKA Fonzie..that man was a hero of mine. I looked up to him when I was a kid. He was the epitome of cool, the very definition of the word. I had a Fonz action figure...If you pulled the lever on his back he’d do the thumbs up thing. I thought it was cool . I was unaware of the irony in owning such a figure.

I could hardly use this action figure in any childhood games of imagination because he just ruined them. Playing bank robbers with my action figures and whether he was playing the part of a Cop , A Robber or A Victim he always thought the situation was cool. My imagination with the Fonz figure could go no further than positively expressing something was cool in a thumbs up fashion.

E.G

Action Figure playing Cop :

“Hey Fonzie, we have you SURROUNDED...My men have their guns trained on you, they can shoot you dead in a heartbeat, before you can do anything.... end of the line pal, come out with you hands high or we open fire in 5 seconds, 4, 3, 2, 1.....”

{Fonzie appears at the window of the cardboard box and sticks his thumbs up}

FONZI : “Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!...........”

Still on the subject of cool. My nieces (who are 7 and 11) call me Uncle G, I mentioned to them that it sounded like Un-Cool G. Made them laugh. Told them for a joke they should call me Cool Uncle G to rectify that problem. They were very amused...this entirely backfired as they were amused by the Un-Cool part of the concept .........now they call me Un-Cool G.

Where’s the Fonz when you need him?....Oh Yeah...he’s in his office......the toilet of Arnolds Cafe.... The Fonz’s nieces and nephews must’ve thought he was UN-Cool....or at the very least.....pretty fucking weird....if not slightly dodgy. The pockets of his leather jacket were probably full of Werthers Originals.

Let's kick it. I'll say "Kick it," and you'll just kick it with a tasty groove, ok? One, two, three, kick it. Kick it. Come on, god DAMMIT.

Hey there , hows it going? This things all about me all the time....How bout you? Hows things with you? Why you reading this when you could go out and do something less boring instead. It’s raining up a storm and I’m quoting from Why Don’t You, a programme that on rainy day’s like these when I was 12, I would watch and be inspired by....and then get creative.

So I guess this updates me trying to be more creative on a regular bases other than writing jokes. I’ve decorated my laptop with stickers...sad? I don’t know but it looks like it’s mine now as opposed to just another laptop. Maybe that’s why I have a few tattoos...am I just a laptop trying to dress as something more? He He

So my girlfriend is a Grape, yeah.....yeah...seriously...she is...she’s Hot...I mean we are talking mighty vine....So we went on a date the other night and she bought a mate along to chaperone...for fucks sake...she was a Gooseberry....They started talking about raisin kids, my girlfriend, The grape shot me a filthy look and started to whine that I wouldn’t give her my seed....In my defence, in a pip I countered with the fact that Currently I’m not interested in raisin kids and as it is...I’m seedless.

We split up..she became a piss head, she was always the drinker of the bunch and is currently drying out in the sunshine of the Costa Del Sol...she reckons when she gets back she’ll be stalking me but I’ve told her to leave it out!

Sorry, my sincere apologies but I love a pun...on that level I’m childish.....I’m still wrestling with my inner child in all honesty and I believe that’s legal in some parts of Thailand! What the fuck does grown up mean? I’m still my Ma and Pa’s little kid even though I’m getting older and now I’m the one asking, Have you eaten? Are you going out without a coat? Mum why did you hit dad? Etc...

I’m technically a grown up and I let that version of myself out when someone needs advice or I have to deal with something professionally but the rest of the time I am still dreaming of having a fatal accident, being rescued from death and rebuilt with bionic parts and new powers before being asked to join a secret government team fighting Terrorism.

I love having a foot in both those worlds...the key is not to be committed solely to one or the other.

Now , that dream of the fatal accident , is that so far removed from possibility?

I mean, I hook up to nutritional fluid every couple of days because the NHS told me they removed most of my small bowel and I need to hook up to this fluid to stop me dehydrating. I only know what they told me. I am not a Scientist or Doctor so I have to trust them but how do I know it’s nutritional fluid in those bags?...maybe it’s a super spy serum or something...I do sometimes have blackouts and that would explain waking up in that hotel this morning with two dead hookers and a smoking gun in my hand....thought that was weird.

The Documentary is still on the go. I mentioned a curve ball recently and that has meant that the Documentary will not be made until next year now. I will still be an associate producer on it but may not necessarily feature. It is a collaborative project that should benefit all the comedians involved.

I went to see Green Lantern with Benjammin Crellin.....appalling........Green Lantern not Mr Crellin. Man that movie sucked 2.5 hours off my life with no real reward. I always liked Green Lantern and it was good to see one or two things from the comic books made real, if by real one means largely computer generated. I honestly got bored and I am a fan boy who loves his comic books but this was poor form. Hints at a sequel in an extra bit after the credits. Too be honest that at least looks like it could be an Empire Strikes Back to Starwars. I reckon it has chances of being better than the first one. Mainly cos they couldn’t make that more boring if they tried.

I’m being harsh people cos I feel harsh about it. Unfortunately with Marvels highly polished works so far, Iron Man 1 and 2, Thor, Spiderman, Xmen Movies, The Incredible Hulk etc...DC need to seriously pull their finger out of Batmans arse and make an effort on the next Green Lantern.

My website is developing leaps and bounds and any input , requests or ideas would be greatly appreciated. Also check out the new Funny People Page...I’ll be adding more to this and updating as I go along. Click on a name and you’ll get a link to their website or some videos. Suggestions welcome.

If you’re interested in the mystery woman I mentioned in the previous blog then here’s a link to her blog / website. She’s a funny lady and sound as a pound. I shan’t be going into any great details about us on here but she’s worth blog and twitter following etc...she’s soon to be in a new Ricky Gervais / Stephen merchant project so there will be lots of news to hear.

Right , I’d like to say I am off to write some stuff and be creative that way but I am in fact off to a gig. Will be trying some new stuff and aiming to have fun. If not then I will go looking for Otto , my Russian contact for the current mission. Jason Bourne....I shit him.

Peace out mummy funsters.