Let's kick it. I'll say "Kick it," and you'll just kick it with a tasty groove, ok? One, two, three, kick it. Kick it. Come on, god DAMMIT.

Hey there , hows it going? This things all about me all the time....How bout you? Hows things with you? Why you reading this when you could go out and do something less boring instead. It’s raining up a storm and I’m quoting from Why Don’t You, a programme that on rainy day’s like these when I was 12, I would watch and be inspired by....and then get creative.

So I guess this updates me trying to be more creative on a regular bases other than writing jokes. I’ve decorated my laptop with stickers...sad? I don’t know but it looks like it’s mine now as opposed to just another laptop. Maybe that’s why I have a few tattoos...am I just a laptop trying to dress as something more? He He

So my girlfriend is a Grape, yeah.....yeah...seriously...she is...she’s Hot...I mean we are talking mighty vine....So we went on a date the other night and she bought a mate along to chaperone...for fucks sake...she was a Gooseberry....They started talking about raisin kids, my girlfriend, The grape shot me a filthy look and started to whine that I wouldn’t give her my seed....In my defence, in a pip I countered with the fact that Currently I’m not interested in raisin kids and as it is...I’m seedless.

We split up..she became a piss head, she was always the drinker of the bunch and is currently drying out in the sunshine of the Costa Del Sol...she reckons when she gets back she’ll be stalking me but I’ve told her to leave it out!

Sorry, my sincere apologies but I love a pun...on that level I’m childish.....I’m still wrestling with my inner child in all honesty and I believe that’s legal in some parts of Thailand! What the fuck does grown up mean? I’m still my Ma and Pa’s little kid even though I’m getting older and now I’m the one asking, Have you eaten? Are you going out without a coat? Mum why did you hit dad? Etc...

I’m technically a grown up and I let that version of myself out when someone needs advice or I have to deal with something professionally but the rest of the time I am still dreaming of having a fatal accident, being rescued from death and rebuilt with bionic parts and new powers before being asked to join a secret government team fighting Terrorism.

I love having a foot in both those worlds...the key is not to be committed solely to one or the other.

Now , that dream of the fatal accident , is that so far removed from possibility?

I mean, I hook up to nutritional fluid every couple of days because the NHS told me they removed most of my small bowel and I need to hook up to this fluid to stop me dehydrating. I only know what they told me. I am not a Scientist or Doctor so I have to trust them but how do I know it’s nutritional fluid in those bags?...maybe it’s a super spy serum or something...I do sometimes have blackouts and that would explain waking up in that hotel this morning with two dead hookers and a smoking gun in my hand....thought that was weird.

The Documentary is still on the go. I mentioned a curve ball recently and that has meant that the Documentary will not be made until next year now. I will still be an associate producer on it but may not necessarily feature. It is a collaborative project that should benefit all the comedians involved.

I went to see Green Lantern with Benjammin Crellin.....appalling........Green Lantern not Mr Crellin. Man that movie sucked 2.5 hours off my life with no real reward. I always liked Green Lantern and it was good to see one or two things from the comic books made real, if by real one means largely computer generated. I honestly got bored and I am a fan boy who loves his comic books but this was poor form. Hints at a sequel in an extra bit after the credits. Too be honest that at least looks like it could be an Empire Strikes Back to Starwars. I reckon it has chances of being better than the first one. Mainly cos they couldn’t make that more boring if they tried.

I’m being harsh people cos I feel harsh about it. Unfortunately with Marvels highly polished works so far, Iron Man 1 and 2, Thor, Spiderman, Xmen Movies, The Incredible Hulk etc...DC need to seriously pull their finger out of Batmans arse and make an effort on the next Green Lantern.

My website is developing leaps and bounds and any input , requests or ideas would be greatly appreciated. Also check out the new Funny People Page...I’ll be adding more to this and updating as I go along. Click on a name and you’ll get a link to their website or some videos. Suggestions welcome.

If you’re interested in the mystery woman I mentioned in the previous blog then here’s a link to her blog / website. She’s a funny lady and sound as a pound. I shan’t be going into any great details about us on here but she’s worth blog and twitter following etc...she’s soon to be in a new Ricky Gervais / Stephen merchant project so there will be lots of news to hear.

Right , I’d like to say I am off to write some stuff and be creative that way but I am in fact off to a gig. Will be trying some new stuff and aiming to have fun. If not then I will go looking for Otto , my Russian contact for the current mission. Jason Bourne....I shit him.

Peace out mummy funsters.