So when you say psychosomatic, you mean like he could start a fire with his thoughts?

It’s 1.25 A.M, 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.

OK not strictly true other than the 1.25a.m bit. I’m in hospital still although I’ve been getting out for gigs and stuff.

This afternoon, hopefully about 2pm, I will acquire a brand spanking new broviac/hickman line moved to now be in the right side of my chest. Ooh exciting hey.

I will be sedated to a degree but not out cold. They give you this drug called Medazalam and it’s a bit like a truth drug, like sodium pentathol or some such. Your awake for the experience, you talk codshit then at some point you realise your awake and you have no memory of what’s happened. Kinda like alien abduction except there are no aliens, spacecraft or abduction taking place, so kinda nothing like alien abduction after all. Now that, was a waste of 2 lines.

In the past on this drug I have told them all about JFK’s assassination and how there couldn’t have been a lone gunmen etc…So my plan is to take my mobile in with me on record if they let me. Can’t wait to hear what drivel I come out with this time.

I can’t wait to get outta here proper. If all goes well today then I could be out tomorrow. Gig Thursday night and then gig at Cornbury Music Festival at the weekend. Through a mate it ended up that I booked the comedy tent this year so I’ve made sure I’m in good company.

The shame was that there were only so many spots to fill and I couldn’t book everyone I would’ve liked. So if you’re an act and I didn’t book you, I’m sorry but if you remember to…ask me next year to get you in.

I escaped off the ward today and went into harrow minus my dripstand and bought my tent.
It’s fucking cool if I say so myself. Only 30 quid and you just pull it out of the bag and it flips out open made and ready. All you have to do is secure the guy ropes. It’s a pop up tent in a bag, the ultimate lazy campers friend. I wanted it in cow hide design cos I thought that would stand out and be easy to find but they had sold out (Argos) so I could only get camouflage design. So I have a great pop up tent that once I leave it…I may never find it again.

In order to check it was all in working order I opened it out in my hospital room today…big mistake….it only caught one or two of George’s wires (I share the room with George). I don’t think it killed him but he hasn’t talked for a while and is a similar colour to Papa Smurf at the mo but I’m sure he’s fine. If he has flatlined he’ll be OK. He’ll be having a trippy visual experience like Kevin 6 Degrees Bacon and Julia Roberts in Flatliners.


I’m really looking forward to the fest. It’s a fairly safe fest in terms of music…very middle classy, Crowded House, Katie Meluah, 10cc, Paul Simon and more but it should be a good crack. I hope to get hammered and enjoy the beautiful countryside in no particular order.

Last time I went camping plans went pearshaped and me and my ex ended up camped in her parents back garden. Funny as fuck when her old man bought us a cuppa out to the tent in the morning. It was a rude awakening.

Actually was great fun even though we were just in the back garden. Still I’m looking forward to a real proper full on camping experience….yeah right…with my pop up tent.

Went to Yo Sushi last night with a lovely lass who knows her comics and her films well. You know who you are….I love that place and with a 50% off voucher courtesy of yesterday’s Telegraph you can’t go wrong. We ate shitloads and drank cold Sake, never had it cold before but it was allright. I love the yo and I’m loving the sushi .

We had a good time and then headed to The Chandos pub near Charring Cross for about the most reasonably priced drinks in London. If you go to a Yo treat yourself to the Crab claws and Crispy Salmon Skin Handrolls. They fucking rock.

Well I may have bored you enough by now and should go. Cross your fingers for me this arvo but I’m sure will all be cool. I’m looking forward to gigging Thursday night as long as I ain’t to sore. I’ll be MC for a night called Vegas which is at the roundtable pub near leceister square. Me, Joe Wilkinson, Mary Bourke and Ali Cook doing his Edinburgh preview. So If you want to see a magician pull a rabbit out of a hat and be funny at the same time come down and say hello.

Right, I’m off to flirt with sexy nurses, hospital does have some perks!

Easy.
G ; )