Let's kick it. I'll say "Kick it," and you'll just kick it with a tasty groove, ok? One, two, three, kick it. Kick it. Come on, god DAMMIT.

Hey there , hows it going? This things all about me all the time....How bout you? Hows things with you? Why you reading this when you could go out and do something less boring instead. It’s raining up a storm and I’m quoting from Why Don’t You, a programme that on rainy day’s like these when I was 12, I would watch and be inspired by....and then get creative.

So I guess this updates me trying to be more creative on a regular bases other than writing jokes. I’ve decorated my laptop with stickers...sad? I don’t know but it looks like it’s mine now as opposed to just another laptop. Maybe that’s why I have a few tattoos...am I just a laptop trying to dress as something more? He He

So my girlfriend is a Grape, yeah.....yeah...seriously...she is...she’s Hot...I mean we are talking mighty vine....So we went on a date the other night and she bought a mate along to chaperone...for fucks sake...she was a Gooseberry....They started talking about raisin kids, my girlfriend, The grape shot me a filthy look and started to whine that I wouldn’t give her my seed....In my defence, in a pip I countered with the fact that Currently I’m not interested in raisin kids and as it is...I’m seedless.

We split up..she became a piss head, she was always the drinker of the bunch and is currently drying out in the sunshine of the Costa Del Sol...she reckons when she gets back she’ll be stalking me but I’ve told her to leave it out!

Sorry, my sincere apologies but I love a pun...on that level I’m childish.....I’m still wrestling with my inner child in all honesty and I believe that’s legal in some parts of Thailand! What the fuck does grown up mean? I’m still my Ma and Pa’s little kid even though I’m getting older and now I’m the one asking, Have you eaten? Are you going out without a coat? Mum why did you hit dad? Etc...

I’m technically a grown up and I let that version of myself out when someone needs advice or I have to deal with something professionally but the rest of the time I am still dreaming of having a fatal accident, being rescued from death and rebuilt with bionic parts and new powers before being asked to join a secret government team fighting Terrorism.

I love having a foot in both those worlds...the key is not to be committed solely to one or the other.

Now , that dream of the fatal accident , is that so far removed from possibility?

I mean, I hook up to nutritional fluid every couple of days because the NHS told me they removed most of my small bowel and I need to hook up to this fluid to stop me dehydrating. I only know what they told me. I am not a Scientist or Doctor so I have to trust them but how do I know it’s nutritional fluid in those bags?...maybe it’s a super spy serum or something...I do sometimes have blackouts and that would explain waking up in that hotel this morning with two dead hookers and a smoking gun in my hand....thought that was weird.

The Documentary is still on the go. I mentioned a curve ball recently and that has meant that the Documentary will not be made until next year now. I will still be an associate producer on it but may not necessarily feature. It is a collaborative project that should benefit all the comedians involved.

I went to see Green Lantern with Benjammin Crellin.....appalling........Green Lantern not Mr Crellin. Man that movie sucked 2.5 hours off my life with no real reward. I always liked Green Lantern and it was good to see one or two things from the comic books made real, if by real one means largely computer generated. I honestly got bored and I am a fan boy who loves his comic books but this was poor form. Hints at a sequel in an extra bit after the credits. Too be honest that at least looks like it could be an Empire Strikes Back to Starwars. I reckon it has chances of being better than the first one. Mainly cos they couldn’t make that more boring if they tried.

I’m being harsh people cos I feel harsh about it. Unfortunately with Marvels highly polished works so far, Iron Man 1 and 2, Thor, Spiderman, Xmen Movies, The Incredible Hulk etc...DC need to seriously pull their finger out of Batmans arse and make an effort on the next Green Lantern.

My website is developing leaps and bounds and any input , requests or ideas would be greatly appreciated. Also check out the new Funny People Page...I’ll be adding more to this and updating as I go along. Click on a name and you’ll get a link to their website or some videos. Suggestions welcome.

If you’re interested in the mystery woman I mentioned in the previous blog then here’s a link to her blog / website. She’s a funny lady and sound as a pound. I shan’t be going into any great details about us on here but she’s worth blog and twitter following etc...she’s soon to be in a new Ricky Gervais / Stephen merchant project so there will be lots of news to hear.

Right , I’d like to say I am off to write some stuff and be creative that way but I am in fact off to a gig. Will be trying some new stuff and aiming to have fun. If not then I will go looking for Otto , my Russian contact for the current mission. Jason Bourne....I shit him.

Peace out mummy funsters.

Besides getting shot , do you know what else Abraham Lincoln did? He was a champion wrestler in high school. And I’m not making that up.

So my website is now working correctly , is updated and online. Things have been going well this week. Several Episodes of Eastbound and Down Season 2 watched last night by me n my mate Michael Dwyer AKA Mickey D in the hizouse. Can’t help but love the magic of Kenny Powers. If you have never seen this top show you’re in for a treat. Classic, especially Will Ferells appearances in Season 1.

Season 1 : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmvkLzt-pJw

Season 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhJTTRJbJ2Q&feature=related

Had another meeting about the Documentary with Ed from the production company (Alleycats TV). The original idea has been shelved for various reasons and now we are being recommisioned by the same person for next years season of First Cuts on More 4 (If it goes well it moves to a prime time slot on Chanel 4)

At the moment it looks hopeful that I am still on board as an Associate producer as well as hopefully being one of the subjects / participants in the Docco.

It’s amazing that this all came from my original comedy related idea on a different subject and has slowly morphed into a different comedy related docco all together. It’s great working with Ed who has got to be the most up front straight forward TV peeps I’ve ever met. He’s just a “Good Bloke” as my Aussie mates would say.

Last week I did a bit of hob nobbing with the movers and shakers (Do they actually call themselves that) at Soho House in Shoreditch. The roof gardens were amazing, a hot sunny day, a swimming pool, food, drinks, great views across London and poolside beds. I’d recommend. My mate , and a good comic, Jason Kavan AKA Gareth Jones (Do all my friends have two names?) is a member of all the houses after wrangling a place on the waiting list as a thankyou for a no fee gig he did for them. Nice haggle JK / GJ.

Also visited Kiruna AKA Stam ; ) on the set of Life’s to Short. She’s got a great part in this new Gervais / Merchant mocumentary / sitcom. She had her own trailer and I joined her therein for lunch. How often do we really use the word therein? Nice to bring it to the blog party once in a while. She’s got a great part and having read the script I can definitely say it’s gonna be funny. She’s in Episodes 5,6 and 7. Look out for her.

Finally gigged for the first time with Barbara Nice last Friday night. Custard Comedy in Comberton (Cambridge) She was headlining, I was the MC with Tom Bell opening and Luke Benson in the middle. Twas a great audience, lovely gig for all the acts and ended with Mrs Barbara Nice crowd surfing the entire audience. Legendary. I’m looking forward to working with her again already.

No gigs this weekend coming : ( owing to my attendance of a blessing in Birmingham for Mickey and Beth’s wedding in Australia earlier this year. Should be a good shindig n looking forward to it. : )

Also recently saw X-Men First Class. One of the best of the Xmen Movies without doubt. Go see it for the origins of Magneto and Xaviers friendship.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frcCCHb9LHc

There’s a staggering about of superhero movies out at the mo or in development. Recently I saw Thor directed by Kenneth Brannagh. I had low expectations but was pleasantly surprised , it was pretty good all things considered.

Thor : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtFzg5jTDAw&feature=relmfu

Captain America is on his way played by Chris Evans (Fantastic Four, Scott Pilgrim). Looks great and leads towards the first Avengers movie.

Captain America : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-J3HfllvXWE&feature=related

Green Lantern , a DC (Not Marvel for a change) effort has just been released. Will be interesting to see how well it does since so many of the important characters are computer generated and Green Lantern is not as well known a superhero as some others.

Green Lantern : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ul4A6cPojGo&feature=relmfu

I've decided I'm definitely taking Gareth Berliner : An INCH of Integrity to the Adelaide Fringe Festival. It's a good show and should do well there. I love Adelade Fringe and can't wait to play it again. It's been my best experience of a Fringe Festival so far.

Anyhow, enough blogging. I’m gonna get my teeth stuck in to the annoying job of gap filling in the diary, pull my finger out and get making some phone calls....

Peace n all, y’all.

G ; )

Jimmy was the kind of guy that rooted for bad guys in the movies.

So, here I am back at the laptop to finally update my Blog and bring it kicking and screaming into 2011. I need to cut the cord and get it circumcised but I have no idea what that means in this analogy. Perhaps it means I should write it and then cut off a paragraph. Aesthetically I believe this looks better and hopefully it’ll be healthier too in the long run. I certainly want to cut out any cheesiness in this blog so that should mean we're on to a winner.

It’s been amazing time in my life since I last blogged. Got a few more clubs under my belt that I wanted for doing weekends, particular favourites being The Stand, The Covent Garden Comedy Club and The Comedy Cafe.

Also I got a documentary commissioned ( off my own back with the help of a good production company ) by Channel Four for More 4. If it does well it goes to the main channel. It’s comedy related. Consequently I’m learning a fair bit about the machinations of T.V and Associate Producing and how easy it is to be thrown a curve ball no matter how well the pitch and commission has been going.

This project recently got thrown such a curve ball but all is not yet lost. The Fat Lady ain’t singing , so watch this space. I still am aiming to hit it out of the ball park.

The first time I was ever on T.V was a background appearance in an episode of Swap Shop when I was at The Glade Primary School. Cheggars swung by to help me swap my game of life for a robo wrestling ring and I was a blink and you’ll miss it swap moment. Noel Edmonds landed by Helicopter on the playing field and was given a suprise school reunion as he had previously gone to The Glade as a child. Climbing out of the helicopter and walking to the playground he inadvertently stepped on Julie Ryans foot. She never forgot it or forgave him and in the years to come she developed a profound hatred of all things Blobby.

I’ve road tested my new show, Gareth Berliner : An INCH of Integrity, in Brighton at the Brighton Fringe Festival. I really enjoyed the luxury of having an hour to play with again and 6 out of the 8 shows rocked. 2 were dodgy. One was my fault in all honesty and the other was the fine work of a German Woman heckling while she was wired on Alcohol and Cocaine and not prepared to concede or leave no matter how many times I slammed her with a decent put-down. This was the shows first airing and I got some nice new bits out of it for my set. The shows solid and works but now I need to make it perfect. I’m going to keep fine tuning. I’ll take it to the Adelaide Fringe Festival in 2012 for it's International Debut

Adelaide’s one of my favourite places in Australia. Mainly because of mates living there and it was also My favourite Fringe Festival I’ve ever done. The Camaraderie and support is better than you ever get at the Edinburgh festival. When you’re performing there you’re not just a comic, your an International Act and that’s a massive help in getting people interested in seeing your show. It’s “Other” to another Australian comic.

I’ve been in and out of a few relationships since the last blog which have made it into the new show but recently I’ve got involved with someone who’s been quite an inspiration. She’s awesome, makes me laugh and gets me. You can’t say fairer than that. Very early days so time will tell but the main thing is we click and we laugh together. No Complaints. She’s one of the most grounded people I know, literally. That’s a quality joke but you would have to know the lady in question to appreciate it. ..apologies for now...we’ll keep her mysterious .